i survived halloween 2012.

used to be my favourite holiday.

i wonder how long i can keep this up before my body breaks the way my insides did?

5am again… i used to hate my former Master’s strictness about bedtime, but without someone to control me that way, its really stressful! the absence of a Dominant in my life alone is stressful, though, i guess. i’m so vulnerable this way. i’m a big girl, i can take it, but i don’t want to. i feel raw and exposed, with all this subbyness and adoration to give, with no one who wants to take it. without a protector. without a keeper for all the things i want so desperately to offer.

now, wide awake, it’s just kind of leaking out my eyes instead.

i can’t draw today, fuck this

i am going to go give the puppy a bath and smoke too many cigarettes instead

there has to be some productivity inside me somewhere

do <30-year-old bi male Doms exist?  i’m beginning to doubt. ; n;

do you ever just want to curl up between his legs, where it’s warm and safe and quiet, and just worship him until you can both smile again?

i feel so small today.